Archive for January, 2007

I Hate Florida, Part III

We lost, by a lot. We were supposed to win, by a lot. Travesty.

January 15, 2007 at 4:59 pm Leave a comment

I Hate Florida, Part II

When last we left our intrepid heroes, they were sipping free champagne eating free beef tenderloin sandwiches on the très privé club level of the Phoenix Ritz Carlton….

Ed and I had briefly considered visiting the Phoenix Botanical Gardens that afternoon, but you can’t fight a bubbly buzz, so we opted instead for an Ohio State Alumni party at the Acme bar in Old Town Scottsdale. My friend, Jessica (please check out her page!) and her husband wouldn’t be meeting us until later, but we just wanted to stroll around and see the sights and enjoy the weather. After about 20 minutes, that got old and we decided to hit that party early – like 1p early. Ed and I got our $5 wristbands, I bought a buckeye necklace, and we promptly ordered drinks. My head still wasn’t in the right place after the Salty Senorita Too-Many-Margaritas debacle; I needed a Bloody Mary, stat! Some things champagne just can’t cure….cancer and hangovers. Damn shame, too.

It was so funny to see all of these Ohio State fans waaaay out of context. It was so friendly. I mean seriously, if you saw 5 average looking dudes at the Out-r-Inn on any given Saturday decked out in Scarlet & Gray you sure as hell wouldn’t slap them on a shoulder and holler GO BUCKS! Or challenge them to a rousing “O-H”…”I-O” contest. No, you would be thinking (read: I would be thinking), “Poser, did you even graduate? In less than 7 years??” Not today. Not in Scottsdale and not at the Acme bar. We were all new best friends, new recruits at basic training…except we already knew the drill: order beer, open, guzzle, repeat. For twelve hours. The taunting of meaningless, gnat-like Florida fans was merciless. For the first time in I don’t know how long, OSU was the 800-pound gorilla in the match. We win. Consistently and lethally. Therefore, all enemies must be taunted ruthlessly – but never with as much zest as the hostility we have alone for Michigan. At any rate, it was pretty nasty.

Mmmm, this was fun. More beer please! Ed was getting pure unadulterated Buckeye indoctrination…too bad it wasn’t at the true altar: The Shoe. Regardless, it was great. We sang songs, talked to strangers, enjoyed the sunshine and warm weather, and casually guzzled a case of Miller Lite. Whatevs! But sadly, time did not stand still and it started to get a bit late, like 5p and we did have reservations at Michael’s at the Citadel. So Ed and I headed back to the hotel.

Ding! The elevator doors at the Club Level lounge opened to another bountiful spread of “appetizers” – beef tenderloin, seared jumbo diver scallops, crab cakes, shrimp cocktail, more champagne, etc etc. Hm. Well, what do you expect? Of course we nibbled on some apps. For an hour! Completely full, we waddled back to our room…to stealthily cancel our dinner reservations that Flo, our personal concierge, somehow managed to get us by pulling some strings. AUGH! I cannot believe I canceled reservations at Michaels at the Citadel!!! Oh well! Free champagne has a funny effect on me. After a quick sober-up style shower, we called Flo and asked her to pull around another town car – we were heading back to Scottsdale. Only this time to meet up with Jessica and Stephen!

By the way, no roadies in AZ. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Zoooom…the town car glided through the chill desert air and made its way to Scottsdale, aka Columbus West. Man, good thing we went to that party earlier…the line was literally around the block. Ed and I waltzed in, as we had been doing ALL weekend so far, with ease and quickly found our co-conspirators. We drank, built a beer-amid, and enjoyed ourselves for about an hour or so. The band was playing, it was noisy and boisterous! People were yelling “Fuck you, Florida” to any unfortunate soul dressed in blue. I mean, this weekend could NOT be any better. I felt a little bad that I didn’t have tickets, but then again, this was just good ol’ American good times. So, at this point, it would just be icing on the cake.

Then my phone rang. It was my buddy Patrick…his law firm represents Tostitos. He said he had some tickets for me. “I’LL TAKE THEM!”, I bellow from under the table and inside of my coat – the only place where I could hear him! He said, they are on the club level of the stadium, in the end zone and I could have them at face value! Let me just say knowing the price that was announced in the paper (average price $1400) I felt pretty damn good about $350.

WOOT! WOOT! WOOT! I GOT TIX! YAY! I mean, I would have been happy with garbage tickets, but club level?! At face value?! That was heavy. I could have really done a big fat happy dance, but I didn’t really want to show off. This weekend was already going so magically well, I thought it best not to tempt karma. CLUB LEVEL TICKETS CLUB LEVEL TICKETS FOR FACE VALUE FOR FACE VALUE!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEHAW!

The rest of the night was pretty great too! I ran into some old SigEp guys at a different bar and that was great, snuck into another bar to use the potty w/o getting caught by security…it was all awesome! I was having the time of my life. I think Ed was having fun too…Ed? Ed?? Poor Ed, having only had “appetizers” (the man has the metabolism of a 14 old boy who runs track), he was piss drunk barely able to hold his head up. “You Buckeyes are out of control. I wanna go to bed”. So, we called our town car and went back to the hotel…it was 1:30 a.m. Game Day Eve!!! AH! The promise tomorrow held! Tailgating, beer drinking, Buckeye loving promise…

January 14, 2007 at 4:57 pm Leave a comment

I Hate Florida, Part I

So, Ed and I arrive (late) to the airport for our 3:30 Saturday flight to PHX and debated if we should maybe just pony up the $$ to park in short term. Nah, let’s live on the edge, we decided and try to find a place in long term parking…Pulling in, an open spot was readily available! Unreal!! So we parked and hurried inside with time to spare. Upon boarding the plane, we heard the Buckeye Battle Cry playing over the aircrafts loudspeaker. Cries of OH…IO were coming from the left and right sides of the plane. Who was louder? O-H…the right? or I-O…the left? Who knew! But it was glorious to see the few Gator fans shrink into their seats. Shrink farther, SEC scum!, I thought. Heh, heh, heh

The plane took off and Ed fell immediately asleep. When the flight attendant came by for drink orders, I ordered a bloody mary, but explained that my drink tickets were overhead and my boyfriend was asleep. She said we’d settle up later. Later never came. I must have had 5 bloodies and when Ed woke up he must have had 2 – 3 Crown on the rocks. FOR FREE! Heh, heh, heh…What a great trip so far!

Once at the PHX airport, we hopped right into our fun little rental car and made our way to the Ritz Carlton in Central Phoenix. As we were checking in, the lobby was filled with Buckeye fans…I knew this was gonna be great! Sadly, our room, despite having a mountain view, had 2 double beds. Ed asked if there was an open room with a king size bed. Nope, just one on the club level. That would be a $70 up-charge, sir. Hm. No thanks. Ed asked if he might speak with the manager. The manager came over and Ed explained the situation and pointed out that the club level room was open for all nights of our stay and it was 8p on a Saturday night…but we weren’t really turned on by the up-charge. The manager said we could have the Club Level room at no charge! SWEEEEEEET!

Up up up we went to the Club Level…Hello Mr. Richardson, Ms. Nash, said our person concierge, who greeted us with bottled water when the elevator doors opened. Would you like a cocktail? Please help yourself to our liquor cabinet. WHAT?! This is too good to be true!!! We go to our beautifully appointed room and proceed to jump on the bed with glee. Back out to the club level lounge, we enjoyed a drink and some chocolate covered strawberries and asked the concierge to call a cab for us, as we would be heading to the Salty Senorita in Scottsdale to meet up with some friends. She obliged and we went down in the elevator. In the lobby, the doorman opened the doors, Good evening Mr. Richardson, Ms. Nash, your car is here. A FAT TOWN CAR!!! We meet up with Jessica and her husband Steven (not sure of spelling) for an evening of margarita swilling and general OSU love festing. The town car was at our beck and call, so, he picked us up at I don’t know what time. I then passed out in bliss….I love Phoenix, I love margaritas, I love the Ritz Carlton, I love the Buckeyes!

Waking up was kinda rude…where was that Mexican cat that pissed in my mouth?! Ed went out to have a smoke, but when he came back, OH MY! He brought with him plates of smoked salmon and capers, yogurt, Danish, granola!!! Free food from the Club Level lounge!! Too good to be true! We laid around for a little bit, as I tried to rehydrate. It had to be noon before I got dressed and ready to go. As we headed towards the elevator, the Club Level lounge had been changed over to lunch. LUNCH?! Fresh mozzarella sandwiches, tenderloin sandwiches, green salad, seafood salad, potato salad, fresh fruit and all the champagne and wine a person could drink. Did we have to leave the hotel?! After eating our fill, we drove to Old Town Scottsdale for an OSU alumni party…and what a party it was….

…to be continued…

January 13, 2007 at 4:56 pm 1 comment


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