I Hate Florida, Part II

January 14, 2007 at 4:57 pm Leave a comment

When last we left our intrepid heroes, they were sipping free champagne eating free beef tenderloin sandwiches on the très privé club level of the Phoenix Ritz Carlton….

Ed and I had briefly considered visiting the Phoenix Botanical Gardens that afternoon, but you can’t fight a bubbly buzz, so we opted instead for an Ohio State Alumni party at the Acme bar in Old Town Scottsdale. My friend, Jessica (please check out her page!) and her husband wouldn’t be meeting us until later, but we just wanted to stroll around and see the sights and enjoy the weather. After about 20 minutes, that got old and we decided to hit that party early – like 1p early. Ed and I got our $5 wristbands, I bought a buckeye necklace, and we promptly ordered drinks. My head still wasn’t in the right place after the Salty Senorita Too-Many-Margaritas debacle; I needed a Bloody Mary, stat! Some things champagne just can’t cure….cancer and hangovers. Damn shame, too.

It was so funny to see all of these Ohio State fans waaaay out of context. It was so friendly. I mean seriously, if you saw 5 average looking dudes at the Out-r-Inn on any given Saturday decked out in Scarlet & Gray you sure as hell wouldn’t slap them on a shoulder and holler GO BUCKS! Or challenge them to a rousing “O-H”…”I-O” contest. No, you would be thinking (read: I would be thinking), “Poser, did you even graduate? In less than 7 years??” Not today. Not in Scottsdale and not at the Acme bar. We were all new best friends, new recruits at basic training…except we already knew the drill: order beer, open, guzzle, repeat. For twelve hours. The taunting of meaningless, gnat-like Florida fans was merciless. For the first time in I don’t know how long, OSU was the 800-pound gorilla in the match. We win. Consistently and lethally. Therefore, all enemies must be taunted ruthlessly – but never with as much zest as the hostility we have alone for Michigan. At any rate, it was pretty nasty.

Mmmm, this was fun. More beer please! Ed was getting pure unadulterated Buckeye indoctrination…too bad it wasn’t at the true altar: The Shoe. Regardless, it was great. We sang songs, talked to strangers, enjoyed the sunshine and warm weather, and casually guzzled a case of Miller Lite. Whatevs! But sadly, time did not stand still and it started to get a bit late, like 5p and we did have reservations at Michael’s at the Citadel. So Ed and I headed back to the hotel.

Ding! The elevator doors at the Club Level lounge opened to another bountiful spread of “appetizers” – beef tenderloin, seared jumbo diver scallops, crab cakes, shrimp cocktail, more champagne, etc etc. Hm. Well, what do you expect? Of course we nibbled on some apps. For an hour! Completely full, we waddled back to our room…to stealthily cancel our dinner reservations that Flo, our personal concierge, somehow managed to get us by pulling some strings. AUGH! I cannot believe I canceled reservations at Michaels at the Citadel!!! Oh well! Free champagne has a funny effect on me. After a quick sober-up style shower, we called Flo and asked her to pull around another town car – we were heading back to Scottsdale. Only this time to meet up with Jessica and Stephen!

By the way, no roadies in AZ. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Zoooom…the town car glided through the chill desert air and made its way to Scottsdale, aka Columbus West. Man, good thing we went to that party earlier…the line was literally around the block. Ed and I waltzed in, as we had been doing ALL weekend so far, with ease and quickly found our co-conspirators. We drank, built a beer-amid, and enjoyed ourselves for about an hour or so. The band was playing, it was noisy and boisterous! People were yelling “Fuck you, Florida” to any unfortunate soul dressed in blue. I mean, this weekend could NOT be any better. I felt a little bad that I didn’t have tickets, but then again, this was just good ol’ American good times. So, at this point, it would just be icing on the cake.

Then my phone rang. It was my buddy Patrick…his law firm represents Tostitos. He said he had some tickets for me. “I’LL TAKE THEM!”, I bellow from under the table and inside of my coat – the only place where I could hear him! He said, they are on the club level of the stadium, in the end zone and I could have them at face value! Let me just say knowing the price that was announced in the paper (average price $1400) I felt pretty damn good about $350.

WOOT! WOOT! WOOT! I GOT TIX! YAY! I mean, I would have been happy with garbage tickets, but club level?! At face value?! That was heavy. I could have really done a big fat happy dance, but I didn’t really want to show off. This weekend was already going so magically well, I thought it best not to tempt karma. CLUB LEVEL TICKETS CLUB LEVEL TICKETS FOR FACE VALUE FOR FACE VALUE!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEHAW!

The rest of the night was pretty great too! I ran into some old SigEp guys at a different bar and that was great, snuck into another bar to use the potty w/o getting caught by security…it was all awesome! I was having the time of my life. I think Ed was having fun too…Ed? Ed?? Poor Ed, having only had “appetizers” (the man has the metabolism of a 14 old boy who runs track), he was piss drunk barely able to hold his head up. “You Buckeyes are out of control. I wanna go to bed”. So, we called our town car and went back to the hotel…it was 1:30 a.m. Game Day Eve!!! AH! The promise tomorrow held! Tailgating, beer drinking, Buckeye loving promise…


Entry filed under: friends, lucky, Ohio State.

I Hate Florida, Part I I Hate Florida, Part III

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