666, or How My Birthday Was Visited by Satan

March 6, 2007 at 9:50 am 1 comment

You know, the tone of a weekend can really be set by the kind of hotel room you stay in. I was upgraded – in the Waldorf=Astoria, mind you – to room 666. Yes, the finest Hilton has to offer actually has a room 666. What was supposed to be a fun, exciting 4-day weekend in NYC to celebrate my 32nd birthday was overshadowed in many ways by…karma?…superstition?…the mark of a fallen angel?…a bad plate of mussles?

Let me give you the Sports Center run down…Wait, let me start by saying had we eaten WHERE I WANTED TO EAT IN THE FIRST PLACE I would be eating solid food today. I just know it.

As a special treat for my birthday, Ed gifted me with a trip to one of my top 5 favorite places in the world – New York City. Including a luxury room at the Waldorf=Astoria. YAY! Dream come true – a weekend full of bustling streets, endless excitement, copious food and drink and legions of people waiting on me hand and foot at my favorite shoe stores.

The Waldorf=Astoria is truly an art-deco masterpiece and amazingly well-kept considering they have around 1200 rooms. Upon checking in, we were upgraded (a favorite trick of Ed’s) to a bigger room (be it on the Lexington Ave side, not the Park Ave side), YAY!….to room 666. Um, what room were we in before?! I had planned this trip down to the nth degree and was so excited to head down to the West Village for a delectable dinner at ‘Ino, when Ed informed me he wanted to deviate from plan and eat something NOW. Grrrrrr.

Long story short, we head uptown (always a huge mistake – I loathe uptown) to a little French bistro that I remember liking. Ed got his steak, I ordered a plate of moules marinere – mussles in white wine sauce. Mussels are IN SEASON, so no worries, right? Ed and I have a lovely evening and go to bed relatively early, knowing tomorrow was going to be a big day!! I wake up as sick as a DOG – and spent most of the weekend writhing in pain, booting any and all food or liquid that had the misfortune of being ingested by me.

I did not get to eat at Babbo, Esca, ‘Ino, or any of my pre-planned restaurants. Instead I ate nothing other than 1/2 a croque monsieur at Pastis (did not sit well, but I am sure under other circumstances it would have been divine) and some smoked salmon and blinis at Samovar (didn’t last long in the tummy and I think I am off smoked salmon for life) over 4 days and nights. I did drink a case of San Pelligrino water, however.

The trip was NOT a total bust…contrary to how this might sound…But let me quickly outline other hilarious abuses I suffered at the hands of New York before I talk about the high-points. My heel broke at 7:05pm on my way to the theatre. Luckly, we were just outside Saks Fifth Avenue. I know that they close at 7 but this was a SHOE EMERGENCY! I walk in to the store which was STILL FILLED WITH PEOPLE and some flunky said “Ma’am, you can’t come in the store is closed”. Well, yessir, I understand that, but I am not shopping, I need to buy a new pair of black pumps. I know exactly which ones I want, where they are and what size. See? I just broke my heel in the middle of 5th Avenue! “I am sorry ma’am, all the registers are closed”. This is where I lose my cool, because not only was that a BALD LIE I know from having my own store that you do not close out registers all at once and an open register – where all those other damn people that I saw right in front of me were paying for their crap – could assist me. So I go off on this joker, to no avail, except for I felt better than I had all trip. SEVEN OH FIVE. PLEASE! Saks Fifth Avenue will never see another red cent from me.

We hop in a cab and high-tail it back to the hotel so that I might change shoes (granted it was 2 blocks away) as we were running out of time before curtain call and I was tired of limping. The cab driver drops us off and said – oh look you were only 2 blocks away. Really?!?!?! NO F’ING SHIZZZ…

High points: I love New York, regardless of its rough treatment of me, so I did love just being there. Spending an afternoon sitting in the sun in Central Park was a treat! Walking in Soho and finding a designer sample sale was SO FUN! Spending time at my favorite bar on Spring street was a blast – even if I only looked at my beer and never drank it. Trying on shoes at Christian Louboutin is always fun, as it is at Manolo and Jimmy!!! I love the fashion and I love the wind in my face and the smell of diesel fuel. So even if I was sick and miserable, the trip was really very magical. But my favorite parts aren’t the funniest parts.

So there you have it. A post that is too long and which doesn’t really do the trip justice. I’ll post pictures, though, of my new shoes!!!!!


Entry filed under: food, hilarity, travels.

Now what? He Schtole My Schtick!

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Don Uselmann  |  March 8, 2007 at 6:55 pm

    The General Manager of Saks New York would like to contact you to apolgize and make amends. How might she contact you?


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